


To Exist

by xxCat1989xx



Category: Pentatonix, Superfruit
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff, M/M, Restless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 12:00:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11161419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxCat1989xx/pseuds/xxCat1989xx
Summary: "I can feel myself getting more and more frustrated the longer I flick through Netflix, but there’s nothing I want to watch. Can feel myself getting more and more restless the longer I sit on the sofa."





	To Exist

**Author's Note:**

> <3

I can feel myself getting more and more frustrated the longer I flick through Netflix, but there’s nothing I want to watch. Can feel myself getting more and more restless the longer I sit on the sofa.

I can’t keep my legs still; can’t decide if I want them tucked underneath me on the sofa or propped up on the coffee table. I can’t decide if I want a hot shower to ease the tension in my shoulders, or if a long, luxurious bubble bath will be enough to make me sleepy enough for a nap. I can’t decide if I want to call a friend to go grab a coffee and distract myself for a few hours or if I want to go shopping alone and bask in my independence. 

The headache brewing behind my eyes has been growing more and more painful the longer I sit here, but painkillers are so far away and I’m too stubborn to ask Scott to get them for me.

He’s been concentrating on his laptop on the other side of the room for the last few hours, eyes flicking across the screen. The colours that reflect on his face change every few seconds, highlighting his features and making him look otherworldly. He smiles at whatever he’s looking at, eyes twinkling and lips stretched wide. 

I don't want to disturb him. I loathe the thought of bringing him down to my level. Don’t want to bring attention to the fact that I’m spiralling and want comfort but don’t know how to ask for it.

I turn my attention back to Netflix and browse through yet another list on the tv. Nothing jumps out so I turn it off and throw the remote onto the table, jumping at the harsh noise as it skitters across the surface. The noise makes my head throb and I groan quietly.

Scott sighs loudly from the other side of the room and when I look over at him, the lid of his laptop is closed and he’s sitting there with his arms crossed. He’s watching me intently, blue eyes boring into mine. I need him. And it’s like he can read my mind when he stands from the table and crosses the room. He perches on the edge of the coffee table, and still, his gaze doesn’t waver.

Normally eye contact with anyone for longer than a few seconds would make me uncomfortable, but with Scott, I can already feel it’s calming powers. It’s like a balm on my anxiety and I can never go long without needing a fix. He knows this, and frequently uses it to his advantage, always demanding we watch another movie or spend another hour at whatever club we’re in; looking at me with blue eyes that reflect the colour of sky no matter the hour. Blue eyes that hypnotise me and make me say yes, even if I know I’ll regret it.

But I won’t ever be mad at him for doing it. We went long enough not talking as teenagers, but we’ve spent the last five or so years making up for it. Never straying far from the other’s side, never going longer than a couple of hours without hearing the other’s voice when our presence is needed elsewhere.

He is my best friend. He is my soulmate. My everything. In this life and the next, and I’ll spend every moment telling him how much he means to me, whether it’s through my words or my actions, through my music or through my silence.

“You okay, baby?” Scott asks. He reaches his hand out and I take it in mine, turning it over in my hands so I can trace the lines on his palm with the tip of my finger.

I nod in response when he closes his hand over my fingers. He tugs gently. I look up to see the concern in his eyes. I need to be honest, have prided myself on having an open and truthful relationship with him. There is no line to cross; everything we think and feel is a free-for-all for the other person. When he squeezes my hand again, I shake my head and look away. He sighs again.

“Want to go do something? We’ve been cooped up in this house all day.”

It’s when he says those words that I realise how dark it’s gotten; the sunlight fading as our day off draws to a close. I had so many plans for this day, and they’ve all been lost to empty feelings and a weary body. Tomorrow we’re back in the studio and I’ve spent it sitting and waiting for something that will never come.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. 

“Why are you sorry?” 

“I know you had stuff you wanted to do today.”

“I did. But nothing that couldn’t wait. You needed me.”

I look up at him in surprise.

“Sweetheart, I think I’ve known you for long enough to know when you’re having an off day. You needed me here, so I stayed. So…” he stands up and holds out his hand to me. “...what do you want to do?”

“Can we watch the sunset on the balcony?”

Scott smiles. “Yes, yes, we can definitely do that.”

He pulls me across the room and without releasing my hand, slides the door open. It’s much cooler today than it was yesterday and an involuntary shiver ripples down my spine. I move to pass Scott but his hand keeps me from going any further.

“One second.” He darts back into the house and within moments he’s back, hoodie clutched in his hand. He helps me put it on before leading me over to the railings that run the length of the balcony.

I look out at the view and it’s beautiful. I’ll never get over how pretty it is. Our own slice of paradise this sprawling, fast-paced city. We chose well when we picked this house to live in together. My hands reach up and clasp the top rail as I lean forward. A warmth envelops my body as Scott stands behind me, hands either side of mine. I can feel his front pressing into my back, though he’s not pushing into me, just connecting with me in a way only he knows how.

We stand in silence as the sky changes from yellow, to orange, to indigo. We stand for over an hour, not talking, not thinking, just existing. Scott’s hands link with mine on the rail and I lean back into him.

“Better?”

I turn to look at him and press a kiss underneath his jaw.

“Much. Thank you.”

He kisses my temple before focusing his gaze back on the sky.

“Nothing to thank me for.”

I look at the sky and wish to see the stars, but when I glance at Scott again, I can see them captured in his eyes and it’ll always be enough for me.

**Author's Note:**

> Social media links in bio.


End file.
